![]() ![]() ![]() All of these motivators involve viewing sex as something that’s mutually satisfying and also positive for the relationship.īut when the motivation for having sex is to get your partner to do something, the sex is no longer about connection and feeling good as much as it is tool for personal gain. ![]() Making sex into a reward turns something that’s supposed to be fun and connective into something transactional and potentially alienating.Ĭouples have sex for many different reasons: to express affection, to feel more connected, to celebrate good news, to just enjoy something physically and mentally pleasurable together. Here are five reasons why the arrangement can be problematic. Importantly, though, this only works if it’s part of an otherwise mutually satisfying sex life that’s active outside of these situations.īut if sex is exclusively used as a bargaining chip between a couple, that could signal underlying issues in the relationship - and potentially invite further dysfunction. Using sex to reward each other can be totally fine if it’s only done on a whim every now and then, functioning more as a spicy game, playful bet, or shared celebration than as an actual quid pro quo. Now, this exchange isn’t always a bad thing. And although any couple might slip into this arrangement, it’s worth noting that in relationships between men and women, its often men on the receiving end of this sexual reward. It’s “given” or “granted” by one partner in exchange for the other person doing something the giver wanted them to do - usually a household chore of some sort, but also sometimes things like hitting a goal you set or doing something thoughtful. However it started, it’s now become an established arrangement, spoken or unspoken.Ĭouples sometimes find themselves in a dynamic where sex has essentially become a reward in their relationship. Or maybe it was more direct: You’d been putting off a task for a while, and your partner mentioned that they’d thank you with a little something-something if you’d just up and do it already - so, of course, you stopped everything and finally did the task. Maybe it started unintentionally: You finally got around to deep-cleaning the kitchen, and your wife was so delighted about it that the two of you ended up hopping into bed together. ![]()
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